Mac n' Gizz

This dish was part of my daily strife while cooking professionally over the past couple years. And yes, that's what the kitchen staff called out as the order came out of the printer. Apparently it doesn't matter how old you are, you are still going to order the mac and cheese. Maybe your coloring has improved a bit, but your palate obviously hasn't. At my last restaurant we had a simply queer amount of variations on this childhood favorite. We did everything from peas and olive oil infused with white truffles, to bacon and chipotle peppers sauteed in adobo sauce.

Mac n' Gizz

Ingredients:

- pasta
- various cheeses grated
- White wine
- Olive oil
- Cream
- Garlic
- S&P

- anything else you would like in your dish... sausage.. peas.. bacon.. spinach.. toms... sardines... midgets... literally anything you can think of. Or just go for the classic commando. One of my favorites is sage and white truffle. The picture I stole looks like it is topped with some sage. Yum.

The recipe is simple. Boil some pasta. Meanwhile take some olive oil and begin to lightly saute a little bit of minced garlic along with whatever ingredients you would like (if they require a quick saute). Don't be an asshole and saute the pasta in the oil. Blanche it like a normal person. If it helps feel free to make grimacing faces and swear like Anthony Bourdain enjoys doing. Apparently it makes his dishes taste better. Add some white whine while the pan is hot and dump in some cream. Don't forget to season your sauce as it simmers away. I like to season here rather than after adding the pasta. It's also time to add in your grated cheese. As the sauce begins to reduce and thicken toss in your pasta, which should be on the al dente to a bit raw side by this point. Keep flipping the pasta to coat it as the sauce thickens. If you are a pussy use utensils to avoid making a mess. Or make a mess, but watch your step as the floor may be quite slippery.

Okay! Now plate that shit. Crumble some crackers over top of the pasta, sprinkle a little cheese over top and throw the whole damn thing in the oven at 400 degrees f. It only takes a minute to brown the crackers, but it's worth it. Pull that shit out while its bubbling hot and sprinkle with some fresh parsley. Now eat that shit fast while it is still scalding hot, and be sure to handle the plate with your bare hands.

Hobo Stackers

I started this post hours ago, then drunkenly lost the draft. Brava me.

It stopped raining, four days later, so I have one less excuse for my misery. Apparently it was sunny for a few hours today which would be exciting if I hadn't been sleeping.

As it turns out nobody likes to socialize with someone who is sad, lonesome, and in a piss poor state of consciousness. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Try being completely heartbroken and yearning for affection. I guess in the scheme of things I have learned that even those you hold dearest wont tolerate you for very long if you are in dire emotional stress. Yet even now I am being negative, so who can blame them? Perhaps hobos have it down pat, riding the rails, campfires and beans etc., maybe that is the life for me. They even have their own language written out in graffiti, and I do enjoy trains and whiskey, and I have always wanted to learn the banjo. Then again, what would happen to all of my recipes? I'd have to convert them into hobo language.

I did play online poker tonight for the first time. I won six dollars, horray me. If I mix in a little bingo and maybe some cribbage perhaps I'll hit the big time.

Here is one for the books, wholeheartedly by a series I would like to deem "Ingredients: With Thomas." Like many of my recipes, this was inspired by the most heartfelt and depressed of the American frontiersmen.. the Hobo.


Hobo Stackers

Ingredients:
sardines in mustard sauce
cherry pepper relish
provolone cheese
saltines

Assemble in whatever order you like. There is really no way to make this snack look appetizing.

Just Some Fucking Pasta

I didn't get my nap today. I went to the bar and got drunk with a guy who works there, name'a Kenny. I played Louis Armstrong, Neil Young and others on the juke and bullshitted about good bartenders, daughters and God. Todd hasn't posted anything in a few days. Am I at this alone? Drafts don't count. It has been many an hour since I have slept. I wanted to tear up or bust up or smash up the bar and tell everyone in there that I am the second or sixth coming of Jesus Christ and they're not following protocol. Instead, I drove home and made hamburger infused pasta. I miss you. I smoked a lot of cigarettes today. I am going to watch Revolutionary Road now. I hope I fall asleep before it is over.

L.V. Ceviche

It seems it's easier to embrace a new day if I do not leave the last. It will be easy to take an afternoon nap. I am currently out of cigarettes. I know there has to be a few stale butts lying around here somewhere, I just don't want to go to the trouble of scrounging them up. I'd end up with half of a gnawed at cigar from last summer and all of my furniture upside down.
The cat has been staring at me for most of the night. I don't know what she wants. I fed her and even drizzled tuna water on her food. I scooped her shit-box. I folded her blanket... I am at a loss.
I may attempt cleaning my car this morning. It's really packed with junk and has an odor.


Lehigh Valley Ceviche

Ingredients:

One can of tuna
Hot sauce
Two eggs

Open the can of tuna and empty its contents into a bowl. Toss tuna in hot sauce, set aside. Fill the bottom of a pan with water(about an inch deep) and bring it to a boil. Place the empty tuna can into the pan. Crack an egg into the can and let it cook. Remove the cooked egg. Repeat. You should now have two egg patties. Sandwich the tuna between the two eggs. Pepper?

Klonopin Chicken

I woke up with a rotisserie chicken carcass in my bed.

Peanuts

Apparently Thomas is as apathetic as me today, or so I assume since I haven't heard from him. Sometimes when I am alone and miserable I like to pretend that the rest of the world is shitting on itself too.

It has been raining for about 24 hours now, and "hulu" has been my only friend for the evening. I am going to recycle this recipe since I feel it best describes my sullen mood as well as my diet for the day, and perhaps even my psychiatric condition . I can only hope that other humans experience this condition of wallowing in self pity, but feel free to look down on me in disgust if you see fit. You certainly disgust me.

Eat them. If they have shells, take the shells off. Then eat them. This also applies to other various nuts.